Archive for the ‘Nu vor sa ramana uitate…’ Category

Havin’ fun

Posted: martie 13, 2011 by El Flipo Grande in Brain Damage, Nu vor sa ramana uitate...
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Pagina 4

Posted: ianuarie 8, 2011 by El Flipo Grande in Brain Damage, Nu vor sa ramana uitate...
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Dar cateodata parca iti vine sa te ridici, sa pleci, sa incepi sa simti ca uiti. Si o faci, te ridici, te uiti in jur, iti bati cu pumnii in piept, te simti mai bine, si vezi ca nu ai pe unde pleca. Inchizi ochii, te intorci, incet, sa nu iesi in evidenta, deschizii ochii si totul e la fel. De parca toata lumea s-ar fi schimbat vreodata din mila pentru tine. De cate ori ai deschis ochii si totul a fost perfect? De cate ori ai inchis ochii si ai crezut ca de data asta, poate, cu putin noroc, treburile se vor schimba? Devine un imputit de tic, acelasi tic care te-a facut sa simti ca trebuie sa te ridici si sa pleci. Daca totul e circular, atunci ce rost mai are sa fii ipocrit? De ce sa nu te opresti, sa inchizi ochii, sa ii tii inchisi si sa asculti linistea? Sau ti-e frica? Ti-e frica de linistea ta? Ti-e frica sa auzi linistea care te-a facut sa te invarti cu mainile intinse pe un camp si sa cazi, fara rost, in peisaj, sa devii una cu pamantul, sa te intorci la nivelul zero. Sa devii una cu divinitatea. Sa uiti cum e sa mai fii om.

Tot felu’

Posted: decembrie 29, 2010 by El Flipo Grande in Nu vor sa ramana uitate...
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Istoria medicinii pe scurt :

2000 i.Hr. – Ia si mananca radacina asta .
1000 d.Hr. – Radacina asta e pagana, mai bine spune rugaciunea asta
1850 d.Hr. – Rugaciunea e superstitie, mai bine bea potiunea asta
1940 d.Hr. – Potiunea asta e facuta din untura de sarpe, mai bine ia pastila asta.
1985 d.Hr. – Pastila asta nu e eficienta, mai bine ia antibioticul asta
2000 d.Hr. – Antibioticul e artificial. Ia si mananca radacina asta….

Copiii fac poze in clasa, iar profesoara incearca sa-i convinga sa comande fiecare o poza de grup.
– Ia ganditi-va ce frumos va fi peste ani, sa spuneti: „Iat-o pe Monica, acum e avocat” sau „El e Mihai, acum este doctor”.
Din spate se auzi o vocisoara:
– Si aceasta este profesoara, a murit!

Era Bula, conducea masina pe autostrada. De odata il suna sotia la telefonul lui celular si ii spune:
-Bula sa ai grija, ca am auzit la radio ca pa autostrada care mergi tu cu masina, e unu care merge pe contra sens.
La care Bula raspunde:
-Unul ?? Sunt sute…


Top 100 funniest one-liners

Posted: martie 15, 2010 by El Cuco Malefico in Nu vor sa ramana uitate...
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1 I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
2 Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
3 I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
4 The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on the list.
5 Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. “Yes” is the answer.
6 Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.
7 We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.
8 Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand.
9 We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
10 Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.
11 Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
12 War does not determine who is right – only who is left.
13 If I agreed with you we’d both be wrong.
14 The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
15 Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.
16 Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.
17 If sex is a pain in the ass, then you’re doing it wrong…
18 Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
19 Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
20 A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station..
21 My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
22 I didn’t fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian
23 If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments.
24 I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
25 If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
26 Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.
27 If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea… does that mean that one enjoys it?
28 Some people are like Slinkies … not really good for anything, but you can’t help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
29 How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
30 Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?
31 A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don’t need it.
32 Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
33 Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
34 To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
35 A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
36 I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with “Guess” on it…so I said “Implants?”
37 Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
38 A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
39 The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
40 Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.
41 Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
42 Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.
43 The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
44 Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says “If an emergency, notify:” I put “DOCTOR”. What’s my mother going to do?
45 He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.
46 The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
47 I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
48 Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
49 God must love stupid people. He made SO many.
50 Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
51 The sole purpose of a child’s middle name, is so he can tell when he’s really in trouble.
52 Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.
53 Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.
54 Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.
55 My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
56 Some people say “If you can’t beat them, join them”. I say “If you can’t beat them, beat them”, because they will be expecting you to join them, so you will have the element of surprise.
57 Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
58 It’s not the fall that kills you; it’s the sudden stop at the end.
59 Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.
60 Hospitality: making your guests feel like they’re at home, even if you wish they were.
61 You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
62 Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.
63 I discovered I scream the same way whether I’m about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.
64 A bargain is something you don’t need at a price you can’t resist.
65 My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too.
66 I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
67 Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
68 A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
69 We have enough gun control. What we need is idiot control.
70 You’re never too old to learn something stupid.
71 I should’ve known it wasn’t going to work out between my ex-wife and me. After all, I’m a Libra and she’s a bitch.
72 A little boy asked his father, “Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?” Father replied, “I don’t know son, I’m still paying.”
73 With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine.
74 Women may not hit harder, but they hit lower.
75 Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.
76 There’s a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can’t get away.
77 I don’t trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn’t die.
78 Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen.
79 Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?
80 I always take life with a grain of salt, …plus a slice of lemon, …and a shot of tequila.
81 If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you!
82 I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not sure.
83 When in doubt, mumble.
84 I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.
85 To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
86 Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you’re an asshole.
87 A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.
88 A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.
89 Just remember…if the world didn’t suck, we’d all fall off.
90 I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, “I’m going to mop the floor with your face.” I said, “You’ll be sorry.” He said, “Oh, yeah? Why?” I said, “Well, you won’t be able to get into the corners very well.”
91 Some people hear voices.. Some see invisible people.. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
92 You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship together and there was only one life jacket… I’d miss you heaps and think of you often.
93 When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
94 Hallmark Card: “I’m so miserable without you, it’s almost like you’re still here.”
95 Virginity is like a soapbubble, one prick and it is gone.
96 Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
97 If winning isn’t everything why do they keep score?
98 If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you’ll have trouble putting on your pants.
99 If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child.
100 Whoever coined the phrase “Quiet as a mouse” has never stepped on one.

The Man Rules

Posted: februarie 18, 2010 by El Flipo Grande in Nu vor sa ramana uitate...
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At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down.

Finally, the guys’ side of the story (I must admit, it’s pretty good).

We always hear ‘the rules’ from the female side ..

Now here are the rules from the male side.

These are our rules!

Please note.. these are all numbered „1” ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday is for Sports!
It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become Null and Void after 7 Days.

1. If you think you’re fat, you probably are.
Don’t ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, PLEASE say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color.
Pumpkin is also a fruit.
We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched..
We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say „nothing”, we will act like nothing’s wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine… REALLY!

1. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as football or motor sports.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

Thank you for reading this.

Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;

But did you know men really don’t mind that? It’s like camping.

Pass this to as many men as you can – to give them a laugh!

Pass this to as many women as you can – to give them an even a bigger Laugh

As vrea sa pun sursa, dar nu o am. Am primit un mail de la Emma cu treaba asta 🙂

Cu un picior in Jurassic

Posted: februarie 16, 2010 by El Flipo Grande in Nu vor sa ramana uitate..., Revolutie
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70 de tineri – 1 loc de munca = 69 de someri.

1. Pentru ca 70% din tineri isi irosesc talentul urmand facultati cu totul si cu totul diferite fata de aptitudinile pe care le poseda. Astfel termina facultati care promit locuri de munca potential banoase, cum ar fi: inginer, medic, arhitect, avocat sau politician (desi aici am mici dubii, avand in vedere incompententa a peste 80% din politicieni, in politica), dar rezultatul se dovedeste a fi o falsa urma de imprevizibilitate in ochii lor. Poate pentru ca niciodata nu ti-a placut ceea ce ai ales sa urmezi in viata si tocmai din cauza asta niciodata nu te-a interesat, prin urmare terminand facultatea cu 20.000 de spagi sau cu 20 de mui? Sau hai, sa nu fiu chiar asa de drastic, cu note asa de mici incat iti dai seama singur ca nu e de tine domeniul ales? Si pentru ca nu iti va place niciodata ce vei face de la 25 de ani pana la 65, pana cand te vei aseza pe fotoliu sa astepti sa vina postasul, timp de 30 de zile pe luna, nu iti vei da silinta, deci practic nu vei fi bun. Si de-aia altii iti iau locul de munca. Pentru ca ei sunt buni, pentru ca lor le place.

2. Pentru ca majoritatea angajatorilor sunt satui pana peste cap de restructurari, acestea practic inghitind o suma frumusica din bugetul firmei. Plus ca in momentul in care se anunta o astfel de decizie a conducerii, incepe bagareadepicioareincolegiidebirou, toti mancandu-se intre ei si de asemenea mancand si nervii superiorilor. Plus ca e destul de controversata treaba asta cu restructurarile si cu reimprospatarea fortelor de munca. E ca si cum ti-ai lua o bicicleta pe care o tii 2 ani si dupa o arunci si-ti iei alta, desi cea precedenta era in perfecta stare de functionare. Numai ca faci asta cu oameni.
Desigur sunt angajatori care tin locurile de munca ocupate cu minti senile. Asta chiar ma scoate din sarite. Singurul exemplu pe care pot sa il dau, care este poate si cel mai cunoscut, este omniprezenta batranilor la locurile de munca care in prezent necesita utilizarea putin mai avansata decat un deget de la fiecare mana care atinge o data la 2 secunde tastatura, cum ar fi: ghiseele de la primarii, inmatriculari autovehicule, etc. Poate explicatia este: the older, the wiser. Ma depaseste.

3. Pentru ca exploatarea tinerilor in Romania este un mod distractiv de a-ti conduce firma: dai unui baiat care s-a barbierit de 20 de ori in viata un loc de munca, care de fapt sunt 3 locuri de munca, ii dai 7 milioane pe luna si un cotor de bonuri de masa care mai au putin si devin invizibile, il pui sa lucreze non stop si de 3 ori pe luna sa mai vina si sambata si uite asa iti vine tie banul care iti cumpara mancarea ce-ti asigura burdihanul de valutist care se plimba in ultimul model de Mercedes. De ce sa-ti mai iei inca 2 angajati? Las’ sa moara tineretul din cauza stresului, da-i in pula mea. Ce? Is ai tai?

4. Pentru ca Romania. Punct.

Stam cu ochii atintiti asupra aceluiasi punct dintr-un colt al bucatariei, confortabil poate pentru gat la acea ora matinala, nu clipim 20 de secunde, nu raspundem la nicio intrebare. Deschidem gura si inspiram mai mult aer decat ne trebuie, pana ce, timp de jumatate de secunda nu mai auzim ceea ce se intampla in jur, ne frecam cu mainile pe fata si ne ridicam de pe scaun, cu scopul de a pregati acelasi bici plictisit dat aceluiasi cal obosit, cafeaua.

Avem doua obiective: sa ne imbracam si sa ne spalam pe fata si pe dinti. E simplu: dormitor sau baie. Totusi, ajungem in bucatarie, ne oprim putin, ne uitam pe masa, ca si cum ar trebui sa ne astepte ceva acolo, deschidem frigiderul, nu luam nimic, il inchidem si abia dupa mergem in baie.

Ne batem usor cu palma peste buzunare cu scopul de a identifica tactil forma obiectelor necesare: telefonul, portofelul, cheile si eventual tigarile; ne mai uitam o data in bucatarie, dar nu mai deschidem frigiderul. Stingem lumina pe hol si iesim din casa.

In unul din locurile: lift, scari, autobus, masina, strada, ne intrebam, parca auxiliar altui gand, daca am inchis usa. Oricum nu ne pasa. Oricum nu ne intoarcem.

In unul din locurile: scoala, facultate, servici, etc. avem o zi in alea cinci, in care nu avem chef nici macar de alterntivele menite sa omoare plictiseala: Tetris, Solitaire, desen, etc. Si totusi incepem sa facem aceleasi lucruri de care ne-am plictisit, ca altceva nu stim. Dupa 5 minute renuntam, ridicam privirea din birou, dornici sa vedem ce se mai intampla in jur. In cursul acelei zile, incercam sa utilizam aceleasi metode menite sa omoare plictiseala, de care ne-am plictisit, de cel putin 5 ori. De fiecare data ne iese prost.

Am ajuns acasa, am scapat in sfarsit de plictiseala de la servici, facultate, scoala. Ne-am schimbat in hainele de casa, am mancat si apoi vrem sa incepem sa facem ceva, doar suntem acasa, nu mai avem cum sa ne plictisim. Si de parca am avea atat de multe optiuni si toate sunt asa de bune si nu putem sa alegem, ne asezam in pat si ne uitam la televizor. Stim ca la ora aia nu este nimic interesant. Stim ca vom ajunge de cel putin 3 ori pe toate canalele. Acelasi lucru am facut si ieri.

Intr-o zi am vazut pe un post tv ca robotii vor domnia lumea. Pe moment am schimbat, nefiind un program interesant pentru ora 5 p.m. Apoi l-am vazut iar si iar si iar, pentru ca timp de 4 ani am facut acelasi lucru. Si nu mai intelegem de ce naiba spun ca robotii VOR domnia. We already are.

Politics explained

Posted: ianuarie 28, 2010 by El Cuco Malefico in Nu vor sa ramana uitate...
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FEUDALISM: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.

PURE SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else’s cows. You have to take care of all of the cows. The government gives you as much milk as you need.

BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and put them in a barn with everyone else’s cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and eggs as the regulations say you need.

FASCISM: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them and sells you the milk.

PURE COMMUNISM: You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take care of them, and you all share the milk.

RUSSIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk.

CAMBODIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. The government takes both of them and shoots you.

DICTATORSHIP: You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.

PURE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk.

REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.

BUREAUCRACY: You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. Then it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.

PURE ANARCHY: You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbors try to take the cows and kill you.

LIBERTARIAN/ANARCHO-CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.

SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

SURSA

Pagina 1

Posted: ianuarie 21, 2010 by El Flipo Grande in Nu vor sa ramana uitate...
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Nu suntem vinovati ca ne-am nascut in momentul nepotrivit in tara nepotrivita. Ne-am nascut intr-o tara fortata in anii ’90 sa isi schimbe mentalitatea brusc si cum oamenilor le place sa ajunga la destinatie pe calea cea mai scurta, sa batem vaca ca sa ne dea lapte batut sau sa indopam gaina cu vopsea ca sa faca oua rosii, asa a facut si Romania. Mentalitatea tranzitiva este destul de simplu de identificat: hai sa scapam cat mai repede de mentalitatea asta de tranzitie. Si am adoptat absolut tot ce tine de utopia aparenta tarilor subdezvoltate, un stat nascut pe baza constitutiei democratice, Statele Unite ale Americii.

Noi, cei crescuti de perioada de 20 de ani de dupa revolutie, am crescut intr-un imens ghetou est european. Parcurile noastre de copii erau loc de sueta pentru cei care purtau sapca invers, blocurile gri care ne inconjurau ne faceau sa privim 20 de minute fara sa clipim orice obiect colorat mai mare decat un camion, masini construite si reparate de popor, fie el pasionat de mecanica sau nu, oricum era manjit de ulei de motor si vaselina si garajele din zona urbana folosite pentru cresterea gainilor si eventualele gratare cu mici, bere si burti la soare.

Si cum am crescut noi asa, mai mult afara, ca se strica tubul de la televizor daca statea aprins mai mult decat tineau stirile de seara si un eventual episod din Tom si Jerry, am devenit imuni la factorul generator de depresie si demoralizare in Romania: Romania. Ei, si in momentul cel mai nepotrivit pentru noi, generatia de tranzitie, momentul in care imunitatea noastra invingea fortele rele ale griului inconjurator, facandu-ne fericiti si multumiti cu ceea ce deocamdata avem, a aparut Tele7abc cu emisiunile „The A Team”,”Renegatul” si „Kung Fu”.

Dupa acest moment cataclismic din istoria contemporana a Romaniei, cand tot poporul a vazut o bucatica din Lumea Noua, cu strazile ei late, scarile de incendii care ajutau raufacatorii sa scape de renegat, hidrantele rosii si masinile tari, am ramas toti cu gura cascata. Si apoi a inceput forfota.

Toata lumea imita ceea ce faceau frezatii din cutiuta din mijlocul sufrageriei, a aparut moda cu invatatul limbii engleze inca din gradinita, a aparut Coca Cola si Pepsi in viata noastra. De parca nu ar fi fost de ajuns ca stateam cu ochii cascati la imaginile scarilor rulante care duceau la usile automate din mall-urile exorbitante aflate in orasele cu blocuri mai inalte decat 10 de-ale noastre unul peste altul. Acum sorbeam si fiecare cuvant vorbit in acea limba straina plina de speranta spusa de eroul nostru preferat de seriale politiste. Si mai sorbeam si Cola.

Dupa ce stateam jumatate de zi in fata cutiutei care ascundea un univers nepalpabil, si stateam pentru ca si parintii nostri se uitau la seriale la fel de entuziasmati ca noi, ieseam afara, probabil din cauza obisnuintei. Si cum ieseam din blocul decorat in doua elemente, braul si varul, ne izbea universul nostru, universul palpabil. Un univers gri, monoton, unde toti oamenii, daca nu erau beti, erau pe cale sa se imbete, sau care nu bea statea la geam si se uita la oamenii beti, sau certa copiii care se urcau in corcodusul din fata blocului. Si cel mai important, nu mai vedeam culori.

Valurile de nou pentru noi, vechi pentru altii au continuat. Au aparut supermarketuri care aveau carucioare cu rotile, se deschideau tarabe ici si colo care vindeau printre altele o chifla amarata care se numea hot-dog, s-au deschis mega magazine, care de fapt erau niste cladiri cu mai multe magazine diferite in ele, unde preturile erau de 20 de ori mai mari. Dar parca nu era la fel.

Si m-a lovit ca un bulgare de zapada pe jumatate inghetata in fata, la frig de -20 de grade. Imi pierdusem universul propriu si incepeam sa imi dau seama incet ca locuim intr-o tara est europeana care se hraneste cu cultura americana. Si m-am frecat la ochi si mi-am dat seama ca de fapt toate culorile noi din orasul meu, erau doar niste nuante de gri pe care nu le mai vazusem niciodata. Si asa au trecut 20 de ani de tranzitie: un gri care si-a schimbat nuantele de atat de multe ori incat parea sa fie colorat.

Oare sa fi fost mai bine daca am fi tanjit la un strugure mai verde? Poate America este prea coapta pentru noi. Poate ne-ar fi trebuit alti eroi, nu cei cu perciunii lungi si pantaloni evazati care conduceau masini zgomotoase. Si acum ne uitam pe geam si vedem o tabla de sah multicolora, care parca urmeaza un tipar: gri, albastru, gri, rosu, gri, roz. Si te intrebi: Oare ar fi fost mai bine daca am fi ramas cum a fost la inceput?

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plm vdc

Posted: ianuarie 14, 2010 by El Flipo Grande in Brain Damage, Nu vor sa ramana uitate...
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In seara de Craciun, intr-un taxi, cu mintea aburinda din cauza unor influente externe lesne de inteles, capul meu, incercat mult prea mult in acel moment, era gazda unei intregi discoteci care fredona sintagma „fir-ar mama ei de viata” pe toate beaturile ale tuturor genurilor de muzica posibile. Incercand sa dorm dupa ce am ajuns acasa, mi-am dat seama ca ar trebui sa notez aceasta fabuloasa descoperire, ca sa pot sa o uit dracului si sa pot sa adorm. Asa ca acum, dupa 3 saptamani, incercand sa caut ceva pe telefon, am gasit minunea.

Incercand sa deslusesc semnificatia acestui cod martian care ma bantuie din nou (in pizda mamii lui) mi-am adus aminte de un site pe care toti plangaciosii din Romania posteaza zilnic probleme si problemute, sustinand ca au o viatadecacat (punct net). Am intrat pe site cu gandul ca versul manelistic care imi canta in cap de vreo 20 de minute va fi codul secret necesar deschiderii unui cufar plin cu aur. Dupa 7 minute de navigat si de varsat lacrimi (din pacate nu din simpatie pentru suparatii de pe site) am vrut sa ma tai. Nu am gasit comoara.

Dupa cum am mai spus in vreo doua, trei posturi, consider viata un privilegiu imens si am precizat aici ca suntem toti capabili sa ne facem viata foarte frumoasa si sa fim eventual fericiti. Nu am avut timp sa citesc toate posturile de pe site-ul cu pricina, dar majoritatea care le-am citit sunt ale unor inadaptati social, incapabili sa recunoasca faptul ca prietenele/prietenii persoanelor de sex opus lor mai inseala, ma-ta se fute, asa te-a facut pe tine, prietenii nu sunt tot timpul ceea ce te lasa pe tine sa vezi, viata la camin de cele mai multe ori e stresanta si o sa te faca sa ai cel putin 2 restante in facultate, daca esti urat, n-o sa mearga sa combini cea mai buna pizda dintr-un club, si as mai avea foarte multe elemente de adaugat acestei liste evidente dar prefer sa ma opresc, ca sa nu fac iar un post de 1098 de cuvinte, de aceasta data format dintr-o singura fraza. Desigur, am mai citit si posturi de genul „am pula mica”, la care nu am raspuns. Singurul lucru care pot sa il spun in legatura cu posturi de acest fel este faptul ca nu cred ca daca nu esti inzestrat de la natura, ai ochii prea apropiati sau ai trei sfarcuri inseamna ca ai o viata de cacat. Ganditi-va la Dan Negru. Aia e viata de cacat.

Cel mai ciudat mi se pare faptul ca sunt oameni care posteaza acolo absolut ORICE, toate probleme lor, toate anormalitatile lor fizice si incapacitatile lor sexuale. Nu vad cum te-ar ajuta faptul ca intra un porcalau ca mine sau ca toti ceilalti care citesc postul asta pe site, incep sa rada, se uita la commenturi, dau paste pe messenger la unul care rade si el de tine, si eventual vei ajunge post principal pe un site gen SuperTzeapa. Toata lumea are probleme, e nefericit sa nu ai. Te fac mai puternic, mai increzator in fortele tale si la urma urmei, orice problema ai avea (si aici exclud datoriile la camatari, dependenta de droguri sau problemele de sanatate) nu mori. Nu te teme, daca ai pula mica, ai un nas pe fund sau prietena ta face felatii in spatele blocului tau prietenilor tai cei mai buni, nu mori. Si aici as putea sa precizez faptul ca nu am dat peste nici un post in care un om sa se planga ca are cancer, leucemie sau tot felul de probleme de genul asta, care iti vor pune cu siguranta psihicul la incercare, indrumandu-te pe drumul la sfarsitul caruia este o pancarda pe care scrie „Ai o viata de cacat”. Apreciez puterea acestor oameni de a se bucura de fiecare clipa pe care o traiesc, si mai ales puterea lor de a nu cersi mila pe cel mai idiot site din Romania. Si daca este vreun om care a scris pe site-ul ala ca are cancer, minte.

Am tinut postul pana la sfarsit cu problema mea legata de suparatii de pe viatadecacat si inca nu mi-am dat seama de la ce vine treaba aia… „fir-ar mama ei de viata”. Asa ca o voi folosi ca un mesaj pentru eventualii vizitatori si autori de pe viatadecacat: Fir-ar mama ei de viata, nu?
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